Tuesday 29 November 2016

Aupair Woes

This post is from September. I wrote it when my laptop was on the blink so I'm only getting to post it now. Some of you may already have read it on www.Evoke.ie 

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So our luck with aupairs ran out last week after I discovered the young woman who had joined our family just days before had violently pushed my toddler and had been shouting at the kids. It was her third day with our family and the first time I'd left her alone with the children. I was gone for less than an hour, having done a leisurely child-free weekly shop. When I came home, I had a look in the sitting room window, as I always do, and waved at the kids, who looked happy and content sitting on the couch being read a story by her. 

But when I unlocked the front door and the children ran to greet me, a different story emerged. My 2.5 year old instantly burst into tears and told me that the aupair had pushed her onto the couch. Big fat tears rolled down her face and she was pretty inconsolable - which isn't like her at all. I brought her in and calmed her down and proceeded to ask my older children what had happened. My six year old gleefully demonstrated on the four year old how the aupair had shoved my little girl - a tiny slip of a thing - onto the couch. She'd been roaring at them as well. 

I calmly asked the aupair, who had nervously snaked off into the kitchen at this point, for her side of the story. She didn't deny the kids' version. She did say that she couldn't remember pushing her but that she must have done if the kids said so. They had no reason to lie, she said. Indeed. There were tears and apologies and when I told her she had to go, she understood. For the next three days, until her flight back home, she hid out in her room and emerged only for coffee and food. I kind of felt sorry for her in the end. 

I've seen all the nanny cam videos of child minders hurting the kids in their care. I've seen the Prime Time investigation into creches. I never imagined that I could have hired an aupair capable of similar behaviour. I'm so glad the kids told me about it early - I shudder to think of what could have happened if she had gotten into her groove with it. The sad thing about it is, kids are so forgiving too. They had really warmed to her and were affectionate and open with her. They forgive so easily and despite the shouting and the aggression, were sad to say goodbye to her. "I miss my new friend," was how Tessa put it after I had dropped her to the bus station. And I guess that's how abuse happens at home and by family members too. Kids forgive so easily. They trust so easily and they love so freely. 

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