Dear New Dad-to-be...

Dads can end up feeling a bit useless during the whole pregnancy and birth lark. Let's face it, apart from the compulsory bit at the beginning where their presence is required, a woman can technically do the rest of it alone. But the support of a partner is key to a smooth pregnancy, birth and journey home with your baby. If you're a new dad-to-be, these tips are a must-read. I promise they'll earn you loads of brownie points!

• Practice installing the car seat before you get to the hospital. Make sure you're confident in fitting it and taking it out before you have to make the journey home with baby. It's nerve-wrecking enough putting a teeny tiny baby in your car for the first time, so you want to be positive that the seat is in correctly.
• Get in a cleaner and make sure the house is spotless. Chances are your other half will have been nesting in the weeks and days before birth anyway, but there's always stuff that didn't get done. Get in the professionals to do the floors, bathrooms, dusting etc. She's bringing a brand new baby home and will want the place to be perfect. There's no need to mention you've done this and she might not even notice - but she will notice if the place isn't clean or is messy. (If she's like me, that is!)
• Turn the heating on and make sure it's nice and cosy - but not too hot!
• Change the bed clothes - there's nothing like climbing back into your own bed with nice fresh, crisp sheets after having spent the past few nights in an uncomfortable hospital bed.
• Make sure the fridge is stocked with loads of handy foods. Think prepared fruits, nice quality ready meals from the likes of M&S or your local deli, fresh juices, salads, breads, her favourite soups and of course plenty of biscuits and cake! Get some bottles of water too, the ones with sports tops - if she's breastfeeding she'll be extra thirsty and will want one to hand for every feed. 
• Buy her some magazines and books that she can flick through. In the early days, especially if she's breastfeeding, she will be sitting and feeding the baby a lot. It's nice to have something to read or look at - apart from baby of course!
• Buy flowers. Leave them on the kitchen table and you could even do a welcome banner. Make a fuss over the homecoming. It's a big deal and a little touch like that will make her smile.
• Get a present for her. I've heard of a lot of people getting a "push present" (I never got one, *cough*) - something nice for yourself to say thanks for the nine months of pregnancy and for going through birth to bring a couple's child into the world. I think it's a lovely idea. It doesn't have to be a big, expensive gift but maybe a handbag or some nice creams, depending on your partner's taste. Scope it out ahead of time and pay attention if she's drooling over any items in a magazine or online. Write a card and tell her how grateful you are for the past nine months and for her going through labour. 
• Agree with her! Be helpful. Take the baby between feeds so that she can get some sleep. Run her a bath. Give her a foot rub. The first few days after birth are an overwhelming mix of hormones, sleeplessness and euphoria. Be gentle with her and help her in any way she needs. 
• Do the nappy changes and help get baby's wind up. Have your own baby bonding sessions by doing 'skin on skin' (strip baby to nappy and take your own top off and allow baby to lie on your chest - don't fall asleep!)  
• Co-ordinate the visitors. Chances are lots of well-meaning people will want to come over and see the new arrival. It can be overwhelming in the early days, especially if mum is trying to get a hang of breastfeeding or isn't getting much sleep. Obviously very close family and friends can be an excellent help in the early days, but you can politely tell anyone else that you'll be in touch with suitable days/times for visits. 

And don't forget to try and relax and enjoy the experience. Take plenty of pictures and savour the moments - even the mad ones. It all passes by so quickly and the next time you do this (if there is a next time!) you'll also have an older child to consider. This is a unique and wonderful time in your lives. 

Bless this mess....

I posted this picture on my personal Facebook page recently and it provoked quite the reaction. Dozens of 'likes' and comments and people recoiling in horror as their OCD kicked in. But it was the private messages and texts that surprised me. So many people got in touch with me on the QT, thanking me for outing myself as someone who doesn't have a perfectly manicured home. In a world of "sharenting", where parents present the smiliest, happiest, most airbrushed version of family life on social media, apparently my dose of reality was a welcome break from sunshine and rainbows.

The fact is, having children often means that you have to put up with an element of chaos that in a previous life would make your skin crawl or your ass cheeks clench. They're messy, energetic, Tasmanian Devils that sweep through the house, undoing any work you've done to make the place look half decent. Some days I give up chasing my tail and let the madness ensue. It's not always easy to turn a blind eye, but for the sake of my sanity, I let things slide. The playroom has a door that I have no problem closing after I've done a sweep of the rest of the house and just fling things in there.

Some day, it'll be like something out of a magazine, with quaint artwork on the walls and little wooden, educational toys dotting the floor, with clutter hidden away in stylish storage solutions. But for now, I'm embracing the plastic explosion because the kids really love messing around in there. And I promise it's not always that messy. My husband tidied it the other day, so it'll probably be OK for the next 20 minutes or so....

So now please...post your #parentingshame confessions in the comments section!

The Perfect Family Getaway

I wrote a piece for the Irish Mail on Sunday yesterday about finding the perfect family holiday. Here it is in full for anyone who missed it...

HAVE you ever had a family holiday where, by the time you got back, you felt more exhausted than you did at the beginning? Where you turned to your significant other and uttered "we'd have been better off staying at home”? Holidaying with young kids in tow - in our case, three children aged four an under - certainly tries patience levels and requires the juggling skills of a trained member of Cirque de Soleil. Walking through the airport, we had more than one glance of sympathy as we carted our brood and all the paraphernalia required for a week abroad. People looked at us like we were crazy for even attempting to have a relaxing holiday overseas with such a young family. And as we queued to get onto the plane, I could see nervous glances in our direction as people silently hoped they were sitting far away from us as possible. That’s the thing: travelling + kids = stress and often without a pay off in the end. But not this time. This time we weren’t going to put up with second best just because we’ve had the gall to procreate. 

‘Child friendly’ holidays - for me at least - conjure up images of horror. Screaming toddlers in urine-soaked ball pools and a never ending queue for a buffet of soggy pizza and chicken nuggets and chips. Loud, chaotic, uncomfortable. What’s with that? Why do so many businesses think that people should put up with sub-par quality just because they’ve had children? Before we had kids, holidays were all about going somewhere that was an escape from the realities of the nine to five grind: a week or two in the sun where you relax, unwind and come back feeling refreshed and recharged. Now that we’re parents, guess what? I still want that. And after researching and searching, we found somewhere that ticks those boxes. 

The Martinhal Beach Resort and Hotel in Sagres on the Algarve offers the rarest of things: a genuine family holiday where everyone feels pampered. It officially opened in 2010 and has quickly garnered European-wide reputation as the go-to location for five-star family breaks. After spending a dreamy week by the sea here, it's easy to see why. The food on offer was varied and delicious, the view of the sea and beach spellbinding and the service was top-class. But it was more than that. In a world where all too often restauranteurs view bringing infants to the table like a request to dine with your pet crocodile, here you really belong. You're not the unwanted necessity, the eyes-to-heaven annoyance to fellow diners - you're the centre of attention in all the right ways.

Everything in this part of coastal Portugal seems to have been designed with families in mind. It was buggy friendly, for example. All the restaurants have a play area (supervised) in the back so that when kids inevitably get bored towards the end of the meal, mum and dad can sit back and enjoy their dessert and a glass of wine in peace. The bar area serving cocktails, beers and juices is next to a play ground AND an ice cream parlour. So as we sat sipping a mojito in the glorious sunshine, the kids had a blast at what they dubbed the ‘pirate ship playground’ but which was officially known as the Village Square. The bar, which doesn’t feel like a bar in the traditional sense, has even got its own play area inside, complete with iPad, plus a vintage Volkswagen and a hammock so the children - and adults - can channel their inner beach bum.

If you're not a parent and still reading this, don't flee in horror. It really isn’t all about the kids - I never once felt like I was holidaying in an episode of Barney. The place isn’t colossal in size either (the hotel itself only has 37 rooms, there are 55 houses with full sea views, 28 houses with partial sea views, 39 garden houses and 10 houses in a small complex called Pinewoods, each one with their own private pool) so it doesn’t feel over run with children or families at all. Far from it. You have plenty of space and room to breathe and there’s enough of everything to go around. The place is chic and the campus is centred around a beautifully designed two storey hotel building, right next to a glorious beach and across from the small harbour of Sagres town. Everything is beautifully laid out. There's no clutter, zero high rise and the footpaths around the resorts are edged with greenery and flowers. We stayed half board in an Ocean House, a building with a full panorama of the beach below. Our delicious buffet breakfast had everything we could think of and more on offer, and we had the choice either lunch or dinner in one of the four restaurants. The starters, main courses and desserts were all delicious and the kids cleaned their plates every time. Not a soggy pizza or wilted salad leaf in sight. The lunches and dinners were table service, not buffet-style. 

It’s the little touches that set Martinhal aside, head and shoulders above other ‘family friendly’ places we’ve been. Upon arrival we were presented with a refreshing juice and a wet towel for mopping up the inevitable sweat that forms when travelling with kids. There's a cool rocking horse in the reception area and children get a goody bag including hats, beach bags and a ball. They were delighted. The range of activities on offer for children is mind-boggling. In a week my three never complained of boredom. If they were older, we could have gone on a bike ride or hiked one of the nearby coastal walks, but they were in heaven attending the local kids club or one of the four heated swimming pools.

As for you, the person paying for all of this, there's no sense of being shortchanged. With children being entertained and supervised, you can actually start to relax. There's a crèche and babysitting service if you really want to branch out but even if you stay close to your kids, you're not skimping on your own sense of a holiday. We walked the beach, sat out in the sun, bought and beautiful bottle of red wine in the Martinhal shop for a little more than €8 and sipped it on the balcony looking out at the lights of Sagres twinkling on the sea. I treated myself to a solo massage while himself entertained the kids at the playground and beach. But if I’d wanted to make it a family affair, there are treatments suitable for children too. I saw a few mums and their daughters pad through the spa in their matching dressing gowns, off to be pampered with a mum and mini-me bonding session. 

Martinhal is an hour and 20 minutes drive from faro airport and it's worth every kilometre. Freshly baked bread in the shop, great range of individual and family activities, the surrounding attractions - surfing, hill walks, trips to the lighthouse, the fortress of Henry the Navigator, etc. So are there any downsides? Not really. Sagres town has good nightlife  and if you fancy a pizza, D’Italia is highly recommended. The weather is lovely although you can overhear the odd comment about how the wind can pick up. I found the one day we did experience a stiff breeze a welcome escape from the dead heat of the rest of the week. And in true Irish mammy style, sure wasn’t it great for drying our clothes. 

Ultimately, Martinhal is a five star resort, so it's not in the cheap and cheerful category. But then, you genuinely get what you pay for, and there are competitive packages available if you keep an eye out, especially if you’ve got younger children and can travel outside of term time. As well as that, If you're like me, and staring into the next 18 years of having holidays dictated by the school calendar, then you'll want to make any break count. This seems like the kind of place that rewards repeat visits, where as your children get older, they don't get bored and you don't feel like you're compromising on what you want from that well-earned break. And where, the usual parental anxieties aside, you can actually relax. Who wouldn't want to do that?

*How to get there: Aer Lingus and Ryanair both fly to Faro directly. Martinhal is approximately 1 hour and 20 minutes from the airport. 

*Packages: Late Summer deal, valid from September 5th to October 31st: 7 nights for a family of two adults, two children under 12 and a baby under 2 in a two bedroom house €2506. Price includes a sumptuous buffet breakfast and three course lunch OR dinner every day, use of all four pool areas and free activities including family football, cinema, free wifi. Other packages available for smaller or bigger families!

Active Winter Holidays, valid from November 2nd 2015 to 30th April 2016: 7 nights in a two bedroom house for two adults and two children under 12, plus a baby under 2. Price includes breakfast plus lunch or dinner. Use of jacuzzi, steam room, sauna at Finisterra SPA, indoor/outdoor heated pool, 1 hour of tennis or padel tennis court hire per day, complimentary kids club, complimentary wifi. 

There are plenty of other offers available online, check out www.martinhal.com

There's no such thing as a freebie...

I wrote a piece for the Irish Daily Mail this week about the fact that no GP in our town has signed up for the free GP for under 6s scheme yet. Here it is in full for anyone who missed it...

MY eldest started pre-school this year and to say our home has become a hotbed for germs would be an understatement. I’ve started sleeping with a pile of towels next to the bed so I can catch projectile vomits before they penetrate to the mattress. I’ve become an expert at syringing antibiotics into the backs of their mouths so they can’t spit them out. From December to April alone, we’ve had six vomiting and diarrhoea bugs, two of which lasted more than a week per child, so low sugar levels and dehydration became a concern. And when you have three children aged four and under, that’s a lot of poop and puke to contend with. So yes, we visit the doctor. A lot. In fact, in one month alone over the course of the winter, we handed over €350 between visits to the GP and the out of hours service, SouthDoc. And that’s not taking into consideration the cost of prescriptions or the bottles of Calpol we’ve had to fork out for to deal with high temperatures and the likes.

When I heard that under 6s were getting free GP care, it was music to my ears. It’s not that I go running to the doctor with every cough and splutter, and I know there’s nothing they can do for viruses. But it’d be nice to know that money wasn’t a consideration when deciding whether or not your child’s illness warrants a visit. I’m a firm believer in trusting my gut instincts, so having to check my bank balance to make sure that I can actually afford to get expert medical advice is not a nice feeling.  So over the past few days, I’ve been checking and re-checking the list of GPs that have signed up to the free care for under-6s scheme in the hopes that my lovely family doctor will be on the list. Not only is she not, however, no GP in our area is. Clonakilty has no shortage of doctors - there are a few practices in the town itself and more in surrounding areas. But the only GPs I’ve seen on the list in West Cork are in Bantry. And I’m not going to be driving over an hour there with three children in the back of a car. It can be hard enough to keep kids settled in their car seats for a two-hour return trip at the best of times. But throw in sickness, high temperatures, nausea or whatever else into the mix, and that’d be no fun for anyone.

I love my GP. She’s on the ball, good with kids, is thorough and knows her stuff. She doesn’t prescribe anti biotics willy nilly and has even given me free advice over the phone on more than one occasion . But if another GP in town signed up for this scheme, I’d have to seriously consider changing. At the end of the day, we’re a young family and every cent is accounted for, with most months running pay cheque to  pay cheque. A €50 visit here and a €50 visit there all adds up and we really have to skimp on things like the food shopping if it’s been a heavy month for doctors visits. So far though, it seems that it’ll continue being a regular expense for our family. I've been told that when the youngest is seven, the what seems constant sickness will ease off and their immune systems will be hardy. Great. Only six more years to go then.