Milk coma post feed with my 2.5 year old beautiful baby
So it’s World Breastfeeding Week this week. I feel obliged to talk about it, to fly the flag, so to speak. I’ve been breastfeeding for the best part of six years at this point and given that my 2.5 year old is a self-confessed “boobie addict”, I don’t see myself stopping any time soon. And guess what? I’m a normal mum, just like any other mum I know. I’m not a freak. I’m not a martyr. I’m not a child abuser. I’m not a show off. I’m not disgusting. I’m not any of the horrible things I’ve seen directed at breastfeeding mums this week on various online forums or comment sections online. I’m just a mum, doing what works for me and what I feel is best for my kids.
I breast feed my baby because it’s what she needs, what she wants, what works for us. I know plenty of people who still give their kids bedtime bottles at this age. Soothers too. Great. If it works for them, why not? My little girl is still in nappies. She is still totally dependant on me. She’s still a baby. So why is it so strange that she still wants to feed? We are mammals after all, and it’s perfectly normal for a mother to feed her young for years, as opposed to months, which seems to be the only socially acceptable amount of time to feed your child in this country. If that.
My husband’s family have cattle and calves feed off their mothers for years, on demand. I mean not dairy cows of course. Newborn calves are whipped away from their mothers pretty soon after birth so the the mother can be milked to provide milk for human consumption and of course to make formula for people who choose not to breast feed. In Dublin zoo recently, a gorilla had a baby and she will feed her offspring on demand too for years. But somehow it’s abnormal for me to do it. Because boobs. Boobs are sexual. Women are commodities and breasts are for titillation and it confuses the hell out of people when women do what’s natural with them and feed their children.
This week, I’ve seen a lot of posts on Facebook in celebration of World Breastfeeding Week. And every. single. one. ends up in a virtual scrap about how breastfeeders need to stop throwing it in people’s faces. How formula feeding isn’t bad. How we should stop making mother’s feel guilty for not breastfeeding. To be honest, it’s infuriating. Why does it have to be hijacked like this? Why can’t it just be what it’s supposed to be: a week where breastfeeding is celebrated and promoted. Lord knows we need it. It’s not like we’re in the majority. Only around 3% of the population do it and many people report struggles with it, so clearly the support networks and expertise is not there. Many women are trying but having to quit because there is so much misinformation out there and because formula companies do such a great job of promoting their products.
I would like to make one thing clear: as a breastfeeder, I have no intention of making anyone feel guilty because I breastfeed. I have no intention of trying to feel superior. I have no intention of shoving my tits in your face. I don’t care how you feed your child. Do what’s right for you. I do care, however, if you wanted to breastfeed but were struggling, that doctors and nurses just automatically suggest bottles in many cases. I care that tongue ties are missed and people aren’t getting help if they want it. That’s what I care about.
Breastfeeding is promoted in hospitals as being the best way to feed your child. It’s tailored to exactly suit your baby, it’s got live anti bodies that prevent infection and it’s also good for mum. The list of reasons to breast feed goes on and on. It’s not the best way. It’s the natural way. The normal way. The biological way we’re supposed to feed. If you don’t fancy doing it, don’t. But it doesn’t change the fact that all those things are true. It’s science. It’s fact. It’s real life. It’s the same with any kind of food. Some foods are processed, artificial, full of additives and preservatives. These aren’t as good for you and don’t have as many health benefits as natural foods like fruits and vegetables etc. Some people still choose to eat junk food. That’s grand. It’s your choice. But do you get angry at people who eat healthily? Abuse them online for showing plates of salad or talking about the delicious piece of fish they had for their dinner? Do people get berated for running or exercising because they’re making people who choose to sit on the couch and watch Netflix feel bad about themselves?
The world is full of choices. Make them. Own them. Be happy with them. If you tried to breastfeed but couldn’t manage it for one reason or another, be angry with your hospital for not providing you with the support. Be angry that there is virtually no funding for lactation consultants. Be angry that hospitals spend a fortune on giving out free formula while mothers struggle in agony asking for help with feeding only to be told that there’s no lactation consultant available today. Be angry that you were failed. But please don’t be angry with me. You didn’t fail. You were failed.
If you chose to use formula after doing all of your research and deciding that it simply wasn’t for you, for whatever reason, that’s fine too. Good for you. But please don’t get angry about breastfeeding promotion. Please don’t get angry that your midwife will talk to you about the fact that breastfeeding is better for your baby than formula. These are the facts. If you were a smoker your midwife would tell you you need to stop, if you were overweight she might suggest a diet plan to help you lose weight. None of these things are to hurt you or to make you angry. They’re simply providing information. It’s up to you to do what you will with that information. So please, can we call a truce and stop these so called ‘mommy wars’. I promise I’m not judging you. Now, can people please stop judging me?
