Giving birth is a piece of cake...well, almost.

Disclaimer: These are my own experiences and obviously I know there are certain things that happen that mean medical intervention is necessary. But I love giving birth. And I love doing it my own way. 

I always thought pregnancy was disgusting. Pretty strong words, I know. When my sister was expecting her first child and felt him kick and squirm in her swollen belly, my own stomach flipped over in a nervous panic. I imagined being pregnant felt like your body had been taken over by a parasitic alien. And don't get me started on when she'd pull up her top and you could see the outline of an elbow or a foot and her flesh rippling under every move. It freaked me out. And giving birth? Jesus, the thoughts of it made me cross my legs and squeeze my pelvic floor muscles with all my might. So what about the end product? The beautiful wrinkly little creature that emerged when the nine months of pregnancy was over? Well of course they were adorable. Little old man faces and stretched out fingers and toes and slow motion yawns. But I never wanted one. Having nieces and nephews was enough. I always said that I'd only have a baby when I could grow it in a bubble that simply popped when the baby was done baking. No mess. No squeals. No pushing or stretching or ripping, thank you very much. 

So you can imagine my thought process when I discovered my eldest was on the way. Don't get me wrong, not for one second did I think 'shit, I don't want this baby'. I was just panicked at the thought of growing it and squeezing it out. The baby part I could handle. The pregnancy and birth part, not so much. I'd heard horror stories of women going through agony for days, pooing all over themselves and their midwife, being left with scars and a walk like John Wayne. Nothing about it was glamorous or something that I wanted to go through. So I decided I needed to brainwash myself. Yup. I needed to re-programme my brain. For as long as I had been old enough to know anything about the birds and the bees or had been able to watch scenes on the telly of women giving birth, it had been presented to me as a torturous experience that everyone had to endure in order to meet their baby. The squeals, the sweats, the terror and agony. I wanted to erase all that from my memory and convince myself that really, it can't be that bad. Surely people would never have more than one child if it was that horrific an experience.

So I read positive birth stories, told myself that I was looking forward to labour and bought a birthing programme called Gentlebirth - which was actually created by an Irish midwife and has a really great support network of mums on its private Facebook group - and listened to the tracks on my iPod as much as I could. I usually ended up falling asleep after a few minutes of it but listening to affirmations like 'my baby is the perfect size for my body' and to a calm and soothing voice telling me that I could do this really flipped things around for me. Even if I was asleep most of the time, it obviously had some sort of an impact because I eventually got used to the idea and my fear disappeared. 

I'm not a hippy dippy type of person at all - I don’t fit the stereotypes of the ‘type’ of woman who would shun the drugs on offer and go for an au-natural approach. But most of the Gentlebirth mums aren’t. They’re smart, educated, fun, normal women who want to take control of their own bodies and allow birth to happen to them as naturally as possible. Gentlebirth helped me enjoy my pregnancies for the most part. And my labours, thankfully, were amazing experiences that I'd do all over again a heartbeat. Of course labour is no walk in the park - they don't call it labour for nothing. But it's not the nightmare that women are brainwashed into thinking it is. We're constantly being prepared for the worst and being told that we're not strong enough and need as much intervention as possible. We're poked and prodded and if things don't happen to someone else's timetable, they stick their oars in with talk of 'rupturing membranes' and sticking needles in your arms and 'helping things along'. Of course intervention is necessary in some cases. People need help to cope with pain or may need a C Section for their own or their baby’s safety. But when a woman who is birthing normally and in her own time, her own way, is told by medics - often men who no matter what their qualifications are will never really know what it's like - that she's doing it wrong or needs to listen to them as opposed to her own body, then I'm sorry, but please get lost. Women are second guessing themselves and encouraged to ignore their own feelings and instincts as they don't fall in line with hospital policy. 

My second child was born less than three minutes after arriving in hospital. Three hours before that I'd been sent home from a scheduled hospital appointment after being told 'your cervix is high and unfavourable, you're not going to be back here for another week at least'. I replied, telling her I thought she was wrong, that'd I'd be going into labour very soon. That in fact I was in labour at that very moment. She stuck me on a trace and smiled, "see, you're not in labour at all. No contractions, nothing." I smiled and told her I thought the machine was wrong and although I wasn't in any pain, I left the hospital and knew I'd be back there that night. Sure enough, an ambulance dash, a smashed iPod and a bit of drama for the neighbours who thought I was going to have a baby in the garden, I returned and my little man was born straight away. After being told he was a boy, my first words after giving birth were, "I told you I was in labour". 

Baby number three was different. My waters went in the middle of the night despite me not having any contractions at all but I went to the hospital anyway. They told me I would be induced if I didn’t go into labour within the day and they’d already put the canula in my arm to administer an anti biotic in case of an infection. I spent the day walking the wards, bouncing on a birthing ball, trying to rest and willing my baby to kick herself into action. And she did. Just as the midwives were about to change over for the night and as my husband was about to find out where we could get a decent curry near the hospital, I felt an unmistakable twinge. Less than an hour and a half later, Tessa emerged into the world like a little superstar. I did it. We did it together. A little team from the start. 

Must read breastfeeding tips for first time mums

I DIDN'T have a clue about breastfeeding before my first child was born. I went into it with an “I’ll give it a go and see how it works” attitude. I wish I’d done a bit more homework and gone to some breastfeeding classes before she was born so if you can at all, do. It’s not that it’s *that* complicated, but information is power and when you know what to expect and what’s normal, it takes a lot of the worry and insecurities away. Also, I highly recommend reading The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. It’s a wealth of information. And if you remember the following tips, your breastfeeding journey should get off to a wonderful start. I don’t claim to be an expert, but these tips definitely saw me through and I learned more with each baby thanks to tips I picked up along the way.  

• Skin on skin is really important. Make sure you place baby onto your chest straight away (assuming you’ve had a normal delivery and all is well with you and baby). Choose a labour outfit that will have easy access to your tummy and chest. I bought cheap nighties from Dunnes that had buttons all the way down the front. 

• Let the baby find your boob and latch on him or herself. We hear a lot of complicated instructions like holding the baby in your arms, nipple to nose, waiting for them to open wide and shoving your nipple right in, making sure your entire aereola is in there..bring baby to the breast and not breast to baby….The thing is, it doesn’t have to sound so complicated. Babies are like all mammals in that they are born with instincts and know what to do. Your baby didn’t need instructions to move down the birth canal and be born - it made it this far on its own and it will find your boob too. Watching a newborn baby do the ‘breast crawl’ and latch on herself is amazing. In saying that, practice makes perfect - for you and for baby. 

• Going back to my last point: the latch. It’s key to get it right. A good latch will make feeding a dream. A bad one will leave you clenching your ass cheeks, curling your toes and dreading the next feed. Nursing your baby shouldn’t be excruciating. A little pain and sensitivity in the first week or so is pretty normal - your nipples aren’t used to being used in this way. But if you’re experiencing bad pain to the point that it’s giving you nipple damage or making you dread feeds, ask for help. Your hospital should have a lactation consultant on duty. Ring that bell and ask for help. Don’t be afraid to “make a nuisance of yourself”. Lip tie and tongue tie are quite common - get your health care professional to check for it. And if you need to, hire a qualified lactation consultant to come to your home. They’re worth every penny and your private health insurance could cover the cost, or at least some of it. YouTube is also your friend - have a look at things like the ‘flipple technique” such as this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=deKN3wJ17Mk

• Your milk will take a few days to come in. Your baby is getting enough from you, please don't worry. Their stomach is minuscule at this point and it doesn't take much to fill it. In the early days, you may wonder if you’re starving your baby as he or she seems to be looking for grub all the time. Don’t worry - it’s their way of building up your supply. You don't have to top up with formula. Things settle down and you don’t have to sit feeding all day every day forever - I promise! There will be days when you’re wondering if your breasts seem ‘empty’, when well-meaning people tell you to give yourself a ‘break’ by offering formula because the baby seems starving…Don’t listen to them. If you want to continue exclusively breastfeeding your baby, introducing formula at this stage could really mess with your supply and do more harm than good. Growth spurts are normal and normally don’t last more than a few days to a week. Take to the bed, settle in with some extra grub and drinks, set yourself up with some box sets on Netflix and just go with it. Before you know it, things will get back to normal and you won’t be feeding around the clock. 

• Follow your baby’s cues. Don’t wait for them to start crying before offering them a feed. You’ll learn to recognise the signs of hunger - licking their lips, rooting around, opening their mouths. Crying is the last thing they do and by that stage they’re usually more frantic and it can be harder to latch them on. Also, watch your baby, not the clock. Don’t bother timing feeds or becoming obsessed with getting a routine established. Just feed when your baby wants it. 

• Drink plenty of water and eat regularly. I clearly remember the thirst in those early days after giving birth. Have a bottle of water with a sports cap to hand for every feed. Snack plenty. In hospital, you’ll get (pretty grim) meals three times per day. You’ll be starving unless you have some snacks to hand for between meals. I recommend chowing on almonds (they help milk production), plenty of fruit, have a few health bars handy and of course whatever tickles your fancy. Breastfeeding doesn’t mean you have to avoid any foods in particular. There are lots of myths out there that make breastfeeding sound very limiting. You don’t have to avoid spicy foods or cabbage or green vegetables or dairy or even alcohol in moderation. You might notice that your baby is sensitive to certain foods - I had to cut out chocolate in the early days, for example, as it gave my babies wind. 

• Drink at least four cups of fennel tea per day. You can get it in your health food shop. It’s great for thirst quenching and making sure you get enough fluids. It also helps reduce instances of wind in your baby and it can help boost your supply. Other good foods for helping your supply include porridge for breakfast or fenugreek in curries and the likes. You could also make a delicious batch of lactation cookies - there are loads of recipes online.

• Mulitmam compresses will be your friend in the early days. If you have sensitive nipples they offer huge relief and quick healing. They’re available from most pharmacies and cost around €14 per box. Pretty steep, but you can make them last by cutting each strip in half and using one for both nipples instead of one on each. Lanolin cream before each feed also helps, and you can get Multimam balm as well. 

• Don’t pump for the first six weeks unless you have to. Your supply is being established. Pumping could over stimulate production and you could end up being engorged. Don’t worry about your partner - they will find other ways to bond with the baby - you don’t have to feed a baby to have a bond with it. Get daddy to do the nappy changes, skin on skin, have a bath with baby and enjoy plenty of cuddles.

• Your baby doesn’t need anything except breast milk for the first six months of their lives. It’s the best thing for them. You don’t need to give water when it’s hot, or if they’re constipated. Your milk has everything they need to quench thirst, hydrate and nourish. It changes with your baby’s needs.  You can feed them when they’re sick. It really is the best thing ever for comforting them, no matter what the problem is. Don’t listen to people who say “your baby is using you as a soother”. Do they really think that soothers existed before breasts?

• If you encounter any issues such as engorgement, mastitis etc, the best thing you can do is feed, feed, feed. There is a breastfeeding solution to every breastfeeding problem, in the vast majority of cases. A lot of Irish health care professionals - wonderful and all as they are - don’t have the most updated information on breastfeeding. Question them. And then question them again. 

• There’s a wealth of information and support out there. Excellent online resources include Dr. Jack Newman’s Facebook page and website and Kellymom.com There are also some excellent private Facebook groups you should seek out. For information on medications and breastfeeding, there’s an app called LactMed, which is available on the iTunes store for free.

• When it comes to feeding in public places, the first time is usually daunting but don’t worry, your confidence will grow and you’ll be more comfortable each time. You can legally breastfeed anywhere you choose so don’t be intimidated. I’ve only ever encountered one negative reaction in the almost five years I’ve been breastfeeding - and that was from a woman who was giving her child Coca Cola from a bottle. The World Health Organisation recommends exclusively breastfeeding to the age of six months and then introducing healthy sold foods, and continuing to breastfeed until your child is at least two. We have a long way to go in this country before it’s seen as the norm but fingers crossed we will get there. 

I'm going to be doing a series of exciting giveaways soon to celebrate the launch of The Baker Farm and one of the prizes up for grabs will be a gorgeous hamper full of breastfeeding-related goodies. Please like my Facebook page to make sure you are notified when the comp is up and running. 

Minions Cake Recipe

When Maisie turned one, I for some reason decided to make a Peppa Pig cake to celebrate. I'm not quite sure why, given that I don't think she would have cared either way if I had just bought one from the supermarket as opposed to spending hours on getting her snout "just right". Since then, I've always gone for homemade novelty cakes. It's a tradition now, I suppose, although in the middle of making a cake I always swear that next year, it'll be shop bought. It's always worth it in the end though. Some turn out better than others but either way, the kids always love them and it's good fun trying to come up with ideas and designs.

This year, George became obsessed with Despicable Me 1 and 2 so a Minions cake was always going to be a winner for his 3rd birthday. I Googled Minions cakes and there are loads of them out there - both 2D and 3D ones. George decided he wanted a one-eyed Minion so that's what we went with. I looked up some ideas on YouTube and started attempting to follow the directions and designs exactly but I ended up winging it. Here's what I did:

Day 1:

For the first layer, I made a chocolate biscuit cake using the Odlums recipe - it's great as it shows the different quantities for different sized and shaped tins. I leave out the fruit and nuts from the recipe and add a few packets of Malteasers and some chopped up Crunchie bars instead. Some people like marshmallows in it, but I'm not a fan. As for the type of chocolate, don't use cooking chocolate, whatever you do. I use half and half dark and milk. I typically buy it in Lidl as it's much better value than the branded stuff. I used a six inch tin for this but used the 8 inch recipe and really packed the tin right to the top. I always stick the chocolate biscuit cake in the freezer for an hour or so and then transfer into the fridge and let it sit overnight at least. You can prepare this well in  advance though.

Next, I make chocolate ganache. I make this by heating 200ml of cream in a pot on the hob until it starts to show dots on the surface right before it starts to boil. I then pour this over 200g of finely chopped dark chocolate and swirl it around until the chocolate melts, then I stir and make sure there are no lumps, allow to cool and refrigerate overnight.

At this point, I also make a batch of my buttercream. For this cake I made vanilla, but added a couple of dollops of lemon curd. I like Tesco's Finest but I plan on sampling some more locally produced  ones if I spot any around.

Day 2:

Remove the chocolate biscuit cake from the tin and cover with the ganache. It'll probably be really stiff from the fridge so you can make it more spreadable by microwaving for a few seconds but don't overdo it. Cover the top and sides of the cake and make it as even and as smooth as you can as any lumps or bumps will show through the icing. Place it back in the fridge.

This is where pictures of the Minion come in handy. I looked at loads and used them as a guide to make the shoes, buttons for the dungarees, the spikes for the hair and the grey goggles. I bought black ready to use fondant from a specialist baking shop as I find it's really hard to get a dark enough black if you dye it yourself. For the rest, I just bought the white fondant and dyed the colours myself using the gel - not the liquid - food colouring. This can be time consuming and messy to get right so you could also buy pre-dyed packets. Put the little shoes, goggles  etc in a cardboard box like a shoebox and keep in a dry place - not the fridge. They'll keep well and harden for when you need them.

Day 3:

For the next part of the cake, the Minion's head, I used a Pyrex dish, also six inches, and made a sponge cake using this recipe, but I'm sure your own sponge recipe will work just as well. Don't fill the entire bowl with cake mix as it will rise and overflow if you do. (I had some cake mix left over so I  put them in some bun cases and made a few little buns to go with the cake and I iced them with leftover ganache and buttercream.) Make sure you grease the Pyrex dish well with butter to make sure the cake doesn't stick. Cool the cake down fully and then use a sharp knife to cut it on half across the middle so that you can put some buttercream and jam in there. I used raspberry jam and heated it in the microwave first before putting it through a sieve to remove the seeds. Sandwich the cake back together and then cover with a light layer of buttercream - this is called the crumb coat as it catches all the crumbs. I pop in freezer for 15 minutes and then add another coat of buttercream so that it's nice and smooth with no crumbs visible. Pop the cake in the fridge.

Day 4:

A really handy piece of equipment here is a turntable - I find it makes it a lot easier to cover the cake properly if you have one. If not, don't worry - just place the covered chocolate biscuit cake on a cake board and top it with the head. Cover with yellow fondant.  Watch a few YouTube videos if you're not sure of the technique but you basically roll out enough fondant to cover the entire cake, then use your rolling pin to drape it over and you can use your hands to rub it down then. Smooth any kinks or air bubbles out with an icing smoother, which kind of looks like something you'd use for plastering a house. I got mine for a few euro in my local shop, Tom Sheehy's, which has loads of great baking equipment and the ready-to-roll fondant as well.

Next, I cut out the dungarees and stuck them on by using a brush and painting the back with some water and holding it against the cake for a few seconds to make sure it stuck. Again, I used pictures as a guide and just drew out a template and worked from that. I used edible glue to stick on the buttons and the goggle and for the eye, I gave it a 3D look by layering the black, brown and white circles on top of one another. I cut out a yellow eyelid to complete the look. Next I added a little pocket to the dungarees and used a butter knife to give it the stitching detail and to make the indentation of his mouth. I shaped out a little pink tongue and just made very basic arms and legs and the string for the goggles. I used tooth picks to pierce holes in the head so I could stick in the hair.

The next time I make a cake I must take note of how I do it and take photos and videos of each stage in case anyone wants to see. But that's the best I can do for the Minions cake - it's not perfect by any means! If anyone has any questions feel free to post in the comments section and I'll do my best to answer. And if anyone makes one of these bad boys, please post a pic on the Facebook page!