A Luxury Staycation to Remember

*I wrote this article for the Irish Mail on Sunday last week - here it is in full for anyone who may have missed it and who's looking for something to do over the Easter Holidays. 

LIKE many parents across the country, I now live my life based around the school calendar. It dictates when I can escape the nine-to-five grind and tells me when I have to get back to reality. It’s the first year I’ve had to worry about any of this kind of thing - my eldest is in junior infants. So although we’re only just back after a blissful two weeks of Christmas holidays in Granny’s house, I’m already dreaming of the Easter holidays. And this year it’s a whopper of a three-week break. 

Thanks to Easter falling early this year and the St Patrick’s Day bank holiday falling alongside it, school will be out from Wednesday the 16th of March to Monday the 4th of April - 19 days in total. That’s a hell of a lot of entertainment required and there’s only so many days an Easter egg hunt will cut the mustard. We had explored the option of going overseas this year but flights cost a premium now thanks to being tied down to specific dates outside of school term. A staycation it is.

During the Halloween break, we stumbled across the perfect family break away: a blend of luxury for the adults coupled with outdoor adventures for the kids, it really was exactly what we were looking for. Before children (BC) I’d heard of Castle Leslie as a luxury adult destination - if it was good enough for Sir Paul McCartney’s nuptials it must be swanky - so it hadn’t occurred to me that it’d be somewhere suitable for kids. I was wrong. Not only did they cater for families like ours - with three children under five - they made us feel extremely welcome. Not an eye-roll in sight when they noticed us coming and they addressed the kids with a smile and good humour. 

Our self catering Stable Mews was luxurious and allowed us the space and scope to have a relaxing time and room to breathe in the evenings when the kids finally went to sleep. We arrived to find a warm, inviting townhouse style of accommodation with our fridge stocked with beer and wine and a welcome hamper packed with goodies galore, along with some DVDs suitable for the whole family. And best of all, the 1000 acres of the splendour that is the Castle Leslie Estate is located in a really handy spot, slap bang in the middle of our hellish journey from West Cork to where I grew up in Donegal. It was the perfect three-day stopover that spoiled us rotten.

The estate, which is located in the picturesque village of Glaslough, boasts the castle itself, the lodge (where you’ll find the main restaurant, bar, reception etc) a lake, an equestrian centre and a host of beautiful woodland walks that left us muddy but exhilarated. The kids were delighted with the opportunity to run freely and splash in muddy puddles a la Peppa Pig while myself and himself had our own down time at the spa and equestrian centre respectively. We felt as if we’d arrived in a little world of our own as we could walk along the estate for ages without coming across another soul. Yet when we trudged back to the lodge afterwards for a hot chocolate to warm up our bones, the place was buzzing with people - couples, families and a people reading the paper at their leisure. It really had something for everyone and our neighbours at the Stable Mews even brought their family pet, a boxer called Lola. It really was somewhere for all the family, canines included. There’s also the option for fishing, kayaking, clay pigeon shooting and even hot air ballooning at Castle Leslie Estate. And for people with older children (5+), there’s the brilliant Saddle Club available on selected dates at a cost of €25 per session per child. 

Given that it was Halloween, the Castle went all out with the spooky decor. Lanterns, pumpkins, faux spider webs and skeletons adorned every available space in our courtyard and lit up the path to the lodge. The kids adored it. And as for the food, the breakfast in Snaffles Restaurant at the Lodge was to die for. Every morning of our stay, we tucked into a buffet of fresh fruits, pastries, cereals and yoghurts, and stuffed ourselves with full Irish breakfasts or pancakes or French toast from the menu. Delicious. On our first night, for dinner we opted for a pizza delivery, which was kindly organised by the hotel reception. And on the second evening we dined in Conor’s Bar. The restaurant sources all its food as locally as possible and they have an impressive kids menu that doesn’t just contain chicken nuggets and chips. 

Glaslough village itself, located just outside the front gates of Castle Leslie is small yet charming and extremely picturesque. It’s got a few pubs and an artisan chocolate café, as well as the aforementioned pizza place that delivered our dinner on the first night. It’s located in a really handy spot about 15 minutes from Monaghan town and close to Emyvale – not much more than 1.5 hours from Dublin, so perfect if your kids aren’t seasoned car travellers like mine. 

For Easter, Castle Leslie is offering packages perfect for families – there’s a three night or a five night stay to choose from. A five night break in the Old Stable Mews, for example, includes a welcome basket with beer and wine for the adults and ice-cream and chocolate for the kids. A treat box for the perfect night in includes popcorn, snacks and sweets and some family classics on DVD. Included in the stay is breakfast each morning in Snaffles and a dinner in Conor’s Bar on a night of your choice. The kitchens at the Mews are fully equipped for you to whip up meals on the other nights, or you could dine out or order pizza in like we did. The five night break for a family of two adults and two kids costs €1000, while the three night break is €800.

*See www.castleleslie.com for more information on bookings and special offers.

Don't breastfeed in public unless it's an emergency...

So the woman who ’broke the internet’ with pictures of her arse has said that she wouldn’t breastfeed in public unless it was an emergency situation and she was fully covered. Right. So it’s apparently OK to show the world your naked body in all its splendour, but God forbid anyone should catch a glimpse of breasts in action doing what nature intended them to do. 

People who feel uncomfortable with public breastfeeding do so, I’d imagine, because the female body is constantly seen as a sexual commodity. Boobs are used to sell clothing, to sell perfume, makeup - hell they’re used to sell pretty much everything, especially sex. Breastfeeding isn’t a sexual act and so viewing boobs in this way throws people’s perceptions out of whack and they don’t know where to look, or what to feel. I’ve heard it all on online forums: breastfeeding is incest, breastfeeding in public is as bad as going to the loo in public and breastfeeding an older child is akin to child abuse. Any why this venom? Simple: because people view women’s bodies as sexual objects. A woman’s nipple? Sexual. A mans - even though it looks exactly the same? Well of course people don’t mind seeing a man topless. 

I have no issue with Kim Kardashian selling her body to make a living. She apparently made $5 million alone from the sex tape that was the catalyst for making her entire family famous in the first place. Fair play to you, if that’s what you’re into. But I do feel quite peeved that she’s not being a better advocate for other women who choose to feed their babies based on their child’s needs, and not on where they happen to be sitting at any given time. 

She said, “I still personally wouldn't breastfeed at a restaurant with a bunch of people I didn't know staring at me. I've seen this before and remember tweeting how shocked I was. Now that I'm a mom, I'm not that shocked, especially if you have a few kids and can't leave to breastfeed one kid in the bathroom while leaving the others at the table. But I still personally wouldn't do it, unless it was an emergency situation and I was fully covered." So Kim, are you suggesting that first time mums, with no other kids in tow, should ideally retreat to the jacks to feed their child? Please. 

She does say, however, that mums should do whatever makes them comfortable. Of course. That little caveat. Do what you want but I’m not going to be the weirdo with my boobs out letting a baby feed off them, is basically what she’s saying.

I have a niggling suspicion that if Kim could somehow make money off breastfeeding that her aversion to doing it publicly wouldn’t be long dissipating. I can see it now: brelfie after brelfie after brelfie. But this is the thing: breastfeeding doesn’t cost anything and corporations aren’t making millions out of selling it, so no one is interested in paying her to promote it. She did take cash to flog anti-morning sickness tablets during her pregnancy with Saint, however, so at least child bearing has been somewhat profitable for her. 

As for having positive advocates for breastfeeding, public or otherwise, there are some celebrities who have stepped up to the plate to debunk any myths and to attempt to reclaim breasts back from marketers. Alyssa Milano, Gwen Stefani, Gisele, Salma Hayek, Angelia Jolie, Miranda Kerr, Pink and even Kim’s sister Kourtney Kardashian, to name but a few. Breastfeeding isn’t something weird or strange that should be hidden away. It’s not private or distasteful. It’s just a mother feeding her child. With boobs. Get over it. 

The big move: re-visited

So this month marks our three year anniversary of moving out of Dublin to the lovely Clonakilty in West Cork. Time flies. Since then we’ve had some pretty big landmark occasions – the arrival of our third child, Maisie starting primary school, me getting my wellies on and feeding cattle…It’s been great. But I do miss Dublin and a trip there for work this week reminded me of what a great place it is. People ask me all the time which I prefer – city life or country living. So here I’m going to do a list of what I miss most about Dublin and what I love most about Clon to see who wins…

City Life

*People, people everywhere. People watching is one of my favourite pastimes and it’s so much more interesting in the city. You never know who’s going to walk past.

*The food. There’s so much choice, so much value. Although it hasn’t been that long since I moved out of there, already I can see a massive difference. There are loads of quirky little cafes and amazing restaurants to choose from. And the early bird menus are practically giving food away.

*Public transport. The Luas, the Dart, and dare I say it, even Dublin Bus. I took it all for granted when I lived in the city but it’s so handy to not have to depend on your car all the time to get from A to B.

*Proper broadband. Oh how I miss my high speed fibre connection. I feel like I’ve gone back to the days of dial up, waiting an eternity for pages to load.

*Shopping. I miss having access to the biggest brands, brilliant markets and everything in between. I miss browsing through antique shops on Aungier Street and George’s Street.

*My hairdresser. I spent eight years going to the same guy. Eight years. I’ve only been married for four. Having to find someone new to chop my hair has been a traumatic experience.

*More employment opportunities. Pretty much everything in my industry is Dublin-based.

*Access to hospitals and facilities. Since having kids I’ve become an even bigger worrier than I was before. It was always reassuring to know that there were top-class hospitals closeby should anything bad happen to one of the kids. Now we have an hour’s drive ahead of us in an emergency situation.

*Late night bars. Restaurants that are open all night. I don’t get out very often but when I do, it’s often after nine o’clock when I’ve finally managed to get all three kids to sleep. That gives me a few minutes to make myself presentable and about two hours before last orders at the bar. I’m often only getting into the swing of things when it’s time to come home. Booo.

*The rest of Ireland is so accessible from the capital -  all roads really do lead to Dublin. When I lived there it ‘only’ took me 4 hours to get back to where I grew up in Co. Donegal. Now I have an epic journey that takes 11 hours from door to door (with food and toilet breaks for the kids)

What I love most about Clonakilty

*People people, everywhere. Fair enough, there’s only a fraction of the amount of people here compared to in Dublin but it’s still a buzzing little town with people from all walks of life living here. There are loads of blow ins like myself and I’ve gotten to know so many great people. And everyone is so friendly.

*The food. Ok, so there are fewer restaurants and it’s definitely more expensive to eat out here but the food is cracking. My local butcher raises all his own cattle out in Inchydoney and the Supervalu here has the best cheese counter ever. And Clonakilty pudding? Need I say more?

*Free parking. Ok, there’s no public transport and the bus to Cork takes ages and costs a fortune. But we have free parking all over town and not a clamper in sight. Yay!

*Shopping. Clonakilty is very much about keeping things local so there are very few chain stores in town and so many lovely little boutiques. I may miss the big shops but I really love that it tries to protect this aspect of local business.

*Fresh air and space. We live five minutes from the stunning Inchydoney Beach. It’s good for the soul. In fact our neck of the woods has a million and one gorgeous outdoor attractions that make you feel like you’re always on holidays, especially when the sun is shining.

*It’s warmer here. I always notice a drop in temperature whenever I’m in Dublin. It’s noticeably colder, albeit not as rainy.

*Cheaper rent. We’d be looking at a four figure sum for an equivalent house in a nice area if we were living in Dublin. I’m not sure how we’d survive, to be honest.

*We own a chunk of land down here and will hopefully be building our dream home later this year. To me, that’s priceless.

We're no Brian and Amy...that's for sure.

Relationships are hard work. Someone once told me that if you can get through the first few years of marriage with young kids, you’ll make it through anything as a couple. Pure and simple: a cocktail of sleeplessness, hormones, tantrums, no down time and no couple time makes for very thin ice. And in our house, we’re not just skating on it - at times we’re bloody well stomping on it. We’re a lot less Brian O’Driscoll and Amy Huberman and a lot more John and Mary from Father Ted. I reckon we could actually kill one another at times, if looks and seething exasperation could kill, that is.

Speaking of Brian and Amy, I couldn’t help but have relationship envy whilst ogling their date night pix from the U2 gig recently. They still have that sparkly, young love glow about them. There’s not an eye roll in sight in any of the pictures. Not a hint of resentment or an “oh for fuck’s sake” muttered under their breaths. How do they do it? With two young kids at home - who, let’s face it, are probably gorgeous, sleeping through  the night and eating their dinner as opposed to throwing it on the floor - how do they manage to keep their love all twinkly and shiny? Do they ever fight about who did or didn’t leave a stinking nappy on top of the bin instead of throwing it out? Does Brian ever call Amy a nag? Does Amy ever bitch at him for fecking off to the gym right in the middle of the witching hour before bed? 

Don’t get me wrong, I still love my husband. Sometimes. A lot of the time I just don’t like him very much. In fact, he can be a bit of an asshole. And I’m well capable of being one right back. Are we the only couple like this? Is the world really full of Brian and Amys who still hold hands and kiss and breeze through life on a magic carpet of giddy love and Instagram filters? Are they really managing to keep their relationships fully intact whist trying to juggle kids and work and life? Jesus, if there’s a secret to it, no one ever filled me in, so please, spill the beans someone. In the meantime, himself has just made me a cup of tea and plonked a chocolate brownie in front of me. And I’ve just ordered him a new pair of pyjama bottoms online. All is not lost.

What kids REALLY want for Christmas this year

This time last year I had all my Christmas shopping done but this year I haven't even started thinking about what anyone wants. I know that George wants everything he sees in the Smyths catalogue and Maisie wants a toy fried egg and a tiara. Tessa wants what everyone else has at any given moment. For anyone who missed it, here's a reminder of what kids really want for Christmas this year though...

I sometimes wonder why we bother getting toys for the kids at all. Or why Santa does, I should say. The house is packed full of all sorts of paraphernalia that most of the time doesn't get played with at after the initial excitement has worn off. Here's a list of things I genuinely think they'd love to get from Santa. 

1. A toilet. A classic that never gets old. The five-year-old could spend the day on it and the 3-year-old loves nothing more than chucking stuff in there - especially rolls of toilet paper. As for the 18-month-old, every time I turn my back she's disappeared off and I will inevitably find her splashing around in there. And it's even more fun if the aforementioned 3-year-old has left a turd in it. Or what about a nice refreshing drink from it using the tea set to scoop it up? Check. Who needs a soda stream with the bad boy in town. A must. 

2. A washing machine. More so for the younger two. George loves turning it off mid-cycle or putting random objects in there when I'm not looking. Tessa could sit watching it spin all day. Hours of fun, especially when Maisie is at school. 

3. A torch. My pair have battered the shit out of one another fighting over the one in their granny's house. Honest to Jesus, we were there for two full hours over the weekend and they didn't play with anything else. I have yet to discover a toy on the market that would hold their attention for as long. 

4. Forget selection boxes. I'm getting them a slab of  Kerrygold this year. The stuff is like crack cocaine to the three of them. I literally have to lock it away or otherwise they're trying to eat lumps of the stuff. With fingers, spoons or just biting right in, they're not fussy. A firm family favourite.

5. A biro. You'd think when you've got two journalists living in the same house that pens would be easy to come by. Nope. I can't put one down without one of them coming along and swiping it, finding an item of my clothing, a precious photograph or the wall to scribble on. 

6. Keys. Every kid I know wants a proper bunch all to themselves. Forget the plastic ones with lights and sounds and music and pictures of Elsa or Spider-Man or whoever else. No good. It has to be the real deal. Sure they're no fun unless they're capable of gouging your eyes out or cutting the throat of yourself when you're having a good old chew. See also a real remote control and a real iPhone. 

Replicas. Will. Not. Do.

7. A cardboard box. Actually get a few ones of varying sizes. Way more fun than anything you could ever find inside the box. 

8. A sweeping brush. Can be used as a sword, for playing witches, as a light sabre or just for undoing any actual sweeping that I've done. Also handy for beating one another up. 

9. A saucepan. Preferably a few of them so they can take them all out at once and make the biggest racket possible when you're trying to take an important phone call or listen to something on the radio.

And there we have it. Have I forgotten anything?

The Definitive Hospital Bag List - For Dads

Hospital bag lists have been all over the place lately - each one claiming to be the ultimate or definitive guide to packing for the birth of your baby. Most of them ignore the daddies though - so here's my guide for him: what to throw into a bag and have ready for when your other half goes into labour. Keep it in a handy spot so that you can just grab it on the way out the door, or better yet, in the boot of your car.

*Pack a spare change of clothes - socks, jocks, the works. You could get puked on. Or leaked on. Or you could be a sweaty wreck from all that pushing. Or pacing. Seriously. You'll want something fresh to change into when it's all over - and for that all-important first family pic.

*Bring basic toiletries - deodorant, a toothbrush, comb and towel.You might not have access to a shower but if you have a private room with an en-suite, it'd be nice to be able to freshen up. Labour can take a while so you could be sleeping in a chair (like my other half did at one point) or pacing the room trying to keep yourself awake. See point number one - you could need a good scrubbing at some point.

*Swimming trunks. Yes, really. Your partner might want to get into the shower, or if she's lucky enough to have access to one, a birthing pool. She also might want you in there with her rubbing her back or just leaning on you for support. It's best to be suitably dressed for the occasion.

*Bring snacks for yourself and herself. Whatever tickles your fancy. Your other half could go into labour in the middle of the night when there are no shops open. Make sure you've got things in your bag to munch on. The vending machine could be broken - don't rely on it. So whether it's a Mars bar or a protein bar, a bag of nuts, bottles of water or cans of soft drink - just make sure you have something in there. Lucozade Sport is good for energy and if you're really struggling you could have a Red Bull. Grab some fruit from the bowl on your way out the door for some healthy snacks too.

*Your phone charger. You'll need to make sure your batteries are powered up so that you can send out all those birth announcement texts and take those precious and priceless first photos. And if things are moving slowly, you'll probably be eating into the battery from surfing the net or streaming music.

* Change. Plenty of coins. You'll need them for the aforementioned vending machines are for parking. The last thing you need to be worrying about in the labour ward are the clampers.

*Some areas have text parking services available so you can top up your parking meter without having to leave the ward. Check out your local area. We did this when I was having my first two babies in Holles Street and it was brilliant.

*If your partner is using a Tens machine, check out what kind of batteries it needs and have a spare set in your bag just in case.

And your best tools are your eyes and your ears. Listen to your partner to see what she needs. Chances are she won't know until she's in the throes of labour whether or not she's the type of person who likes being touched or rubbed or massaged, or if she's the type to want everyone to stay the hell away from her.

Have a copy of her birth plan and know what she wants. Discuss everything with her in advance so that you can be her voice and her advocate in hospital.

And enjoy! You'll be meeting your baby soon - it doesn't get much more exciting than that!

The gory details about pregnancy and beyond that no one ever has the heart to tell you...

***DISCLAIMER - these don't happen to everyone and they haven't all happened to me!!***

Yes, pregnancy is beautiful, blah blah blah. New life, cute babies, glorious. But what about the stuff that goes on that no one ever talks about? The stuff that, if and when it happens to you, you think you’re the biggest freak going? I’ve scouted the opinions of my closest female friends and asked them to spill the beans on the most embarrassing and horrifying things that happened to them during pregnancy, birth and beyond. And here’s the ultimate list.. 

*Iron supplements make you constipated and when you eventually manage to squeeze one out that bad boy will be jet black. Scary shit. Literally.

*All that squeezing, grunting and straining has given you piles. Great big itchy, ouchie, piles.

*You’re nine months pregnant and your waters have just broken. Oh wait, no, that’s just you pissing yourself. Back home you go.

*After giving birth, the peeing of oneself, or the almost peeing of oneself can be quite common. Thinking about a yoga class? Just be careful when you’re stretching. A leisurely jog? You might want to wear a panty liner. Or a nappy. Those pelvic floors aren’t what they once were. Get squeezing them. Or sit on a towel when having a sneeze. 

*You can get stretch marks. On your vagina. And on your arse. And everywhere in between - not just on your belly.

*Your nipples can be seen from outer space and them even rubbing against the inside of your bra can be agony. And the areolas are like saucers. Dark, scary looking saucers. 

*Pregnancy brings farting to a whole other level. And post-pregnancy can be even worse. Farts come from every crevice. At least with regular farts you can sometimes hold them. There’s no escaping fanny farts. 

*Hair. What’s with the crazy hair? You’re practically a yeti during pregnancy and then suddenly a few months after birth and you could do with a combover. Other women report having no hair growth at all for nine months. 

*You could *actually* kill your partner. Stone dead. What is with that loud breathing? Or the way he chews? How in the name of God are you going to raise a child with someone so infuriating? And then he brings home chocolate. Or a 3 in 1. And you love him to pieces again.

*Labour can make you vomit. All over yourself. Multiple times. Bring a few changes of clothes to the delivery room just in case. 

*Having a baby really changes your relationship. Like really. In good ways and in bad. So be prepared.

*When your milk comes in it hurts like hell. Your boobs will be like rocks and even the slightest touch can have you squirting milk all over the place.

*Nothing, and I mean nothing, will prepare you for that love. Overwhelming.

Pregnant belly - not mine!